What Paris Actually Feels Like

"Paris isn't Paris because of the city. It's the people you find inside it."

What Paris Actually Feels Like

I hated Paris the first time.

I want to be honest about that because the mythology around Paris is so thick that admitting you hated it feels almost like a character flaw. But I did. It was overwhelming and loud and I couldn't speak much french and everyone seemed to already know where they were going and I did not.

What changed it for me was the people.

Paris isn't Paris because of the city. The city is beautiful, yes and historic and breathtaking but it is also relentless and exhausting and not particularly interested in whether you're having a good time or not. It has a way of making you feel small. What makes Paris is the people you find inside it. A man on a stool in front of one of my paintings, speaking rapid French at me with tears in his eyes. A friend translating between me and his patrons with the patience of someone who genuinely wants the connection to happen. Then there are the ones, always making sure I'm taken care of, no matter where we are. The people who know the city the way locals know cities, through back streets and specific bars and people who remember their names.

Once you have people in a place, the place changes. It becomes somewhere that holds you rather than somewhere that overwhelms you.

I still find Paris crazy. I still find it overwhelming. The energy is unlike anywhere else. A life lived with a particular kind of zeal that is hard to describe to someone who hasn't felt it. But I love it now in the complicated way you love something that has never made itself easy. I think that’s why so many artists find their inspiration there. It’s crazy enough that an idea can find a home but still find the support you need to keep from totally going crazy. . 

The question it keeps asking me is the right one. It's where Face of Assimilation started. It's where I felt safe enough to explore things I couldn't explore at home.

Paris gave me the distance. The people gave me the reason to come back.

Jackie