I was standing on a dark quiet road in Berlin. It was late. I was alone. For the first time in my adult life I wasn't running through exit strategies in my head. I wasn't mapping the space, cataloguing who was near me, calculating what could go wrong and how fast I could move if it did. I was just standing there. On a road. In the dark. In a foreign country where I spoke just enough of the language that I could get a coffee or beer and a bite to eat. And I felt safe. The thou

In Bari a woman apologized for her age. In Paris a man told me his age and then immediately said sorry, as though the number itself required forgiveness. He was forty nine, fluent in three languages, had lived a life full enough to fill the bookshelves I went straight for when I walked into his apartment. And he apologized. I don't understand this. I have had white hair since I was twenty one. I have wrinkles now. I wore a wrap dress in Italy that fit way too close and showed